Forgiveness and Spiritual Maturity – Part Two


The Spirit hungers…

Why is it so difficult to forgive, particularly those who think and act as though they’ve done nothing wrong? Why are we triggered to offense, in some cases quite easily? In a word – Pride.

We all want respect.  It is in our nature to crave validation.  We want recognition for our efforts and for our achievements.   We need for our existence to have some value beyond ourselves, and when we perceive the desired validation lacking, it can cause a draining disharmony of the spirit.

Pride cripples…

Proverbs 16:18 remains one of the most paraphrased scriptures. We’ve all heard it. ‘Pride goes before the fall.’ A full reading in the King James is as follows, “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” The term ‘haughty spirit’ also appears in the New International Version. Haughty Spirit. I want to reflect on that.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines ‘Haughty’ as scornfully and condescendingly proud. The Bible warns of this throughout the Old and New Testaments. Passages speak of entire peoples who are taken to task for their prideful or haughty attitudes.

Pride is among the most destructive sub-sets of disobedience. It dissolves marriages. It estranges parents from children, brothers from sisters, and breaks up friendships. It has ruined and will continue to ruin more relationships that any single factor. We all know of friends and relatives who are not on speaking terms with each other and have been in that state for so long that no one can remember the original conflict.

We all think our cause is just. We all experience the frustration of, “If I just explain this again,” only to meet with implacable resistance. What can I say? Some people just don’t want to hear our magnificent logic regardless of your pipeline to the Almighty.

Pride will cause you to withhold forgiveness. And in doing so, will eat you from the inside until there is nothing left but a husk whose only purpose is to serve as a vessel for bitterness. So if only in our own best interest, we need to let go – or as Paul wrote in Philippians 3, ‘forgetting those things which are behind.’

As we forgive those…

I have had my own struggle with pride. I have gone years waiting for people close to me to come around. Perhaps you have too. In which case, please let me tell you that there are few exercises so futile. In Matthew chapter 18, Jesus gives clear instruction on conflict resolution. Why we don’t apply this more often could be a series of Sunday morning sermons.

The over-arching example from my own life was my father-in-law, Pastor William J. Behr.  People who knew him will tell you that among his many characteristics, what truly stood out was his humility.  He had a perspective which struck everyone with admiration.  And it was this perspective which drove his relationships.  In the scope of eternity, life is short.  Too short to allow petty grievances and self-conceit to govern us.  If a member of his congregation took offense, or threaten to leave the Church, Pastor Behr would go to them, seeking reconciliation.  His authority as Senior Pastor mattered little when compared to the soul of one of his flock.  Words fail me in describing just how much I miss him.

If not for double standards…

As Christians, we have stratospheric standards for each other. Wives expect to be loved as Christ loved the Church. Husbands expect to be submitted to and won over without a word by their wives behavior. Perhaps its time we concede that we are all deeply flawed human beings and begin with that premise as our baseline for dealing with each other. Sky-high standards for the behavior of others will always – repeat, always – lead to disappointment.Forgive Others as God Forgives from


In Matthew chapter 6 Jesus leaves no wiggle room. We have a mandate to forgive. There is no burden placed on the offender. Jesus does not address the justification of the wronged party. We are simply instructed to forgive. Narrow road – it up to us if we remain on or step off.

Finally, it’s useful to bear in mind that while you have high standards for your fellow Christians, they have equally high standards for you.

Selah, baby.

In case you missed the first post in this series, you can read it here.

About Phil Christensen

The trail behind me is littered with failure. The trail before me remains to be seen.
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9 Responses to Forgiveness and Spiritual Maturity – Part Two

  1. Anna Ciantro says:

    I’m impressed! I enjoyed reading this! Very enlightening .

  2. Shawna says:

    Love this, Phil! Sharing!

  3. Harry Robinson says:

    I’m not a particularly “religious” person, but your words and those in the Bible are reflective and important. I think that if one learns the art of forgiving oneself, one would find forgiving others a tad easier. We sometimes forget to forgive ourselves, don’t we.

    Well written and at a time when perhaps people will take a few minutes and learn the art of forgiveness as you’ve written it. Thank you.

  4. I so agree with all you said on un forgiveness, i totally agree with you..
    I have had a struggle with it, not in forgiving,but to expose myself over and over again,and to be hurt over and over again. So I just forgive,but stay away !!
    I enjoyed your article on the subject. Mary Ann Duque

    • Thank you Mary Ann. We want to believe the best about the people in our lives. We hope that negative behavior in others is an aberration, but so often it is not. I’m going to revisit this topic in a couple of weeks and I plan to touch on toxic relationships.

  5. Phil this was an excellent post with many interesting thoughts to ponder. Thank you so very much for linking up at Thoughts of Home on Thursday. You will be a feature on the upcoming TOHOT.

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